The Pangs

If Only You Can See....

2012-02-08T23:22:00.000-08:00

God,

I really wish you are here in person
You would be able to tell me
Why is he acting that way,
Why won't he bother to change?
Why is he morphing into my dad?
In some ways.

I find myself not being able to be with him
not any more.
Not do words hurt.
But, actions too.
Everything is painful,
even the baby steps.

where in the world is there love?
aplenty of love with strings attached BUT
none without strings
worse yet,
love with no chemistry whatsoever!

It not only frustrates
but shows his level of maturity
and how anal he is.
Tit for Tat eh?
Is that fun?
Is that adult?

We are on a different course totally.
I am heading to see the Northern Lights
and he is off to fish with Polar Bears in the South Pole.

I abhor his mum so much
for her pure stupidity and fickleness in life
and how she willingly donates money to casinos!!!
I go there with such disdain,
its so obvious and fundamentally screwed up.
Even though I try to keep up the pretendence

He cannot appreciate refinery and all
I would love to lap it up in a jiffy from time to time
with that "time" being more often now.

We seem to come from 2 worlds.
Why am I so blind?
I regret it now.
Is it too late?
I know you will never change.
You are way too stubborn to admit so.
Your folks indulged your ways too much
so much so, it affects your judgement & ability to emote
feelings, care and compassion.

I cannot stand it.
You are a complete BLUE
whereas I am a complete RED.
We are suppose to complement
yet here I am thinking, concluding that
we are vastly wrong for each other.

Just one of those days

2012-01-31T20:03:00.000-08:00

I wish I could get away from it
Run as far as I can
As fast as my feet would take me
Just to be away from the flesh wound
that feels just like yesterday. . .

I cannot believe that
somehow, the incident which took place
more than a decade
can decay
eat
rot
torture me still..
Its amazing
how I let it
in a small still part of me.

I swore, I buried it deeply
inside, in the abyss
where no one who screams for help
can ever chance upon it
only I hold the secret key
to unlock you
and let you out
in my perv mind
once in a while
but
this time, it sort of stayed longer
and I chose a wrong date
to let you out.

Here I am
trying to recover
to let God and not you
distract me.
Help me heal fully.

I simply wonder
can I ever recover fully, wholly
as you took my sunshine away.

You made me come alive
something I haven't been in a while.
I miss you.
You taught me love, vengence, to lie,
and vices dwelled wherever we went.
It was a dark but glorious period.

More than a decade has passed.
Yet, it feels almost
like you breathe next to me
only yesterday.
As I gasped for air
As I struggle with why
Why did you do what you did
Said those words...
those words that cannot be reclaimed.
You might as well end me then.

I am listening to Christian-ny music now
as my soul calms down
from the fret and torture I have been through
as I strangely want to claim back my soul,
my sunshine.

I am in a place I do not want to stay long in.
Yet, I cannot seems to move away from it now.
Like some deadweight is holding me down
for no good reason.
I wish i could see you now.
But what good would that do.

I really am at a loss.

I really am an idiot.

I feel nothing but apologetic.

And guilt.

I am NOT your BFF

2011-12-13T18:21:00.000-08:00

Stop coming to me like every other hour
with bad breath included,
and talk to me,
I need to work.

I have got things to actually do.
I am not prego
(read: the word prego is my substitute for something else, guess it)
I am mortified at the mere idea of it
after being around you for just a wee bit.

You literally scare the shit outta me!

And yes, I will refrain real hard from exploding,
though I do so almost everyday, since this Monday.

Oh God.... help me!
No chemistry lah!
Cannot force it.

And yes, some of us, are really paid to work.
Not yak.

Not Doing This Again... At least while you are still here

2011-12-13T00:06:00.000-08:00

Ask you, have you ever been tasked to run a project,
and the person who ask you to do so knows you run events
and campaigns and all that jazz for a living as well as in your own
personal capacity & .... CAN DO SO BRILLIANTLY!

But the person is trying to stop you in your tracks,
by placing, mini road blocks here and there.
I mean, I already took this on to try,
already quite saddened by the fact that my friends
have already left Church and I am trying to
recreate the chemistry..................... for those that are left.

NnnnnnnnnnooooooooooOOOOO....
You have to undermine what I think is a seemingly good plan
which we might have to cancel at the end of the day.
AND WHAT?? Waste money???
Seriously...

What's the point?
Yeah yeah... I am labouring for God, right?
But Man, yeah you Earthly Men!!
can just keep pissing me off, put roadblocks, right?

2012, I will spend the days with my family and friends.
What new friends!!???!!!
Seriously, do I need to go through this AGAIN?
I don't want to. Don't see a need.
Moyopia seems to loom.

The Weekdays

2011-12-04T20:46:00.001-08:00

And so, Monday is here again. . . .
December seems to spell "HOLIDAYS"...
a month where no one really is in the office much,
even if they were, their heart / mind / soul ain't.

It could just be so much to look forward to,
the festivities and fanfare that are to come...
Christmas, the generousity of the season
and the spirit of giving and loving and eating!!
So much merriment going on... seriously, who has the mood for work???

And colleagues are busy clearing leave,
going on holidays, meeting up with whoever in town,
going for longer than usual lunches,
slower meals, wider spread, the offices are having
gatherings, events, parties... The Works!!!

December is a month filled with magic
filled with Love, filled with Happy Songs,
filled with great warm meals and gatherings with
the family and of course chummies!

Gold, Red, Green, Silver and Blue all decked out in their finest

and richest shade, sweeping across shopping centre hallways,

corridors, homes, fire-places, offices and churches.

A time where dieting is thrown out of the window,

and where trinkets and toys top the list of every child

and every child in us - Don't you just love receiving presents???

Why Does It Have To Be Like This?

2011-11-24T01:40:00.001-08:00

Someone close to me has warned me
or perhaps, the right word is...
to discourage me from befriending you again,
even though I am trying to emulate what Christ would do.
I know it is thankless and I may get burnt / hurt again.

But, I think its in my nature.
Unless it has reached my breaking point
to say, walk away or die.
But I have not reached there yet.

At one point, you were like that too.
I did not give up on you.
In fact, I was so tempted to.
But another friend has reminded me
never to judge, as it is not my prerogative,
rather, it is God's.

So here I am, attempting this again,
for the second time.
I pray it will go well.
I do miss her. In some strange way.
The same way I missed you,
and a peacemaker, a reconciled relationship
is always so sweet, despite how tough it is.
right?

Think about it my friend.

Shoot.... Am Sick

2011-11-22T16:52:00.001-08:00

Not at my optimal ...
not sure why when I was fine yesterday
sudden onset
now the throat is burning hot
and I am missing the chance to go onboard a ship
FOR FREE!!!
Dammit!

Thankful

2011-11-20T22:43:00.001-08:00

The past month of October has been a rack!
Lots of unhappiness and uncertainty abound...
All I did, was lament, emo and prayed.
I switched back into praying mode.
Prayed a lot more than usual.
Wondered a lot more than ever.
Asked too many "whys"
and did a lot of penning of thoughts in an old fashioned diary.

Life was obviously afloat but not sailing to any direction.
Quit my job at the Jappy place.
Found out that my close pals in church intend to leave for another.
Just wish they would seek out His Will first,
not saying another word on this already.
I mean, I know God is everywhere but,
would be nice to seek out His blessings on this.

Then I got another job,
nearer home, in case I needed to dash back to see dad
but had a slight pay cut
nevertheless, I am happier.
At least I got quality time now
to spend with family and friends.

I am where I hope I will be, in a long time to come,
contended. Seriously.
Sometimes, ambitions need to take a back seat
so that a good measure of balance if ensured.
I am there, for now, and hopefully in a long long time to come.

One Step

2011-09-20T20:54:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was a blast
we went to JB for a great time of KTV,
massage and light food.
I almost wished time would still.

Am taking things one step at a time,
life seems to come to a halt or
simply move at break neck speed
there seems to be no balance,
somehow.

Friday this week, will really be TGIF.
I will be away. Finally.

The Question

2011-09-16T00:01:00.000-07:00

My friend has been very encouraging today at lunch
he told me to come on out, take the plunge.
Go into the deep end.
Which also means to say,
I need to have sustainable savings
which, I currently do not have.

I should take the plunge and
get this biz started.
I intend to.
Not sure if time is on my side.
I need 2 months.

God help me please. Lead me.
In Jesus Name.... Amen.

The Mad Hare

2011-09-06T08:59:00.000-07:00

My Fave Pic at the Moment:

Need more holidays like these......

The hubs would be away so I
already arranged to meet friends these few evenings
and things at work just got unrealistically BUSIER!!!
I mean, they say be grateful if you got a job right?
hmmmm. . . .

And they also say ladies don't make good bosses
enuff said. Ditto!!
Like at a certain point they morph into this
huge giant piece of zit that you need to
squeeze the pus outta them
and then some . . . pus never wants to come out.

Some relationships do not seem destined to be healed.
Reconcilation sounds almost like a term for
the rich and mighty.
Not for the peasant folks like us.

I wonder do lawyers work late every night too?
Cos I do that so often.
Yet I am not paid nearly as much as a lawyer.
Friggin' miserly piece of underpaid junkie I am.

Cos I don't see doctors working as late
but they earn quite a bit too.
I should have studied harder than play
when I was in the 80s. Dam!

I haven't decided which is lesser of the 2 evils.
I need to churn out the proposal fast.
Time is not my team-mate now.
Time happens to be on the other side now.

Tick tock.....

The "WHAT IF" Post

2011-09-02T02:23:00.000-07:00

I am somewhat jaded back at work
yet, am hoping my prayers will be answered.
anyways, I am so glad to have a great hubby by my side
once again thru these trying times.

I don't think its easy at all, to be me at this point,
call me sensitive or maybe its woman's sixth sense
that she may still have pre-conceived mindset on the team
and on me. But I swear, I have been working hard,
pulling in favours to get things done,
am thankful for great colleagues at this juncture
and a relatively supportive team.

Just wish for "her" to be more normal towards me
and yah, yesterday's cell lesson was on offenses...
I was offended, so am doing the right thing by being nice to her.
I passed her a lil' something from the road trip
and there was no appreciation. No sign of life.
Scary boy!

Annual Holiday with the Guys

2011-09-01T02:39:00.000-07:00

Hello All...

We are back from our trip!

Cameroon Highlands was really good.

Exceptionally cold but we did not catch the chills.

And quite frankly, though Cluny Lodge is secluded

and makes a good backdrop for a ghost tale or two,

(Darren heard plastic bag crumpling, pls call him to ask him for details...)

I really find myself liking the place for its simplicity

and exceptional home-cooked meals.

Please eat there if you decide to stay there.

The 3 dish meal with soup makes a hearty, warm and fuzzy meal

and I am brought back to the times when my mum cooked for me

everyday after Primary School.

I relished every single drop of the cabbage dish with dried prawns.

Its so simple but SOooooo nice and tasty.

And we played MJ.

This trip, the dynamics is greattt!!!

I got to know Andy, Darren, Kita and my hubs a lot more

and I love them all. I can safely say this time,

that I would go with them all for travel adventures.

They are a fun bunch and easy-going.

Kita being the latest addition

and always talking in "Starwars lingo"

was fun to observe and joke with,

and he was perpetually sleeping

at every single given opportunity!!!

We had the the standard treats...

went for a fantastic full body massage

which no one complained much

I had one of the best massages ever.

Then we went to lots of plantations,

strawberry farm, rose / floral farm, vegetable farm

and bee farm and BOH tea plantation....

I walked relentlessly, it was tiring...

saw God's most awesome natural creation -

a waterfall when enroute the old way

up to Cameroon (aka more treacherous)

it was a sight to behold...

where the guys morphed to become boys, they acted like 7-yr old kids

running towards the water, taking pics, daring each other,

posing and drinking the water off the floor!!!!!!!!!!

I just stood there... with my mouth wide open and gasped!

Disgusting!! Eeeliew.... deer pee... squirrel pee and whatever else.

Anyways, food was sumptious,

the fare this time, took us to Ritz Carlton KL for authentic dim sum

which was great tasting, esp the shark's fin dumpling soup.

Service was real good.

We had great hawker fare near Sungei Wang,

and I am no longer a virgin to KL....

I have conquered the place and did some light shopping.

We also went Mid Valley (first time for all of us~!)

Was in shopping haven.

The guys all bought more stuff than me!!!

Unbelievable right??? I Lugi.

I tried to watch the intake too.

:))))) But I could not resist the seafood galore.

And we watched Man U VS Arsenal "LIVE"... at a kopitiam

ambience was so kampung, cold yet fun!

the match was brillant, Man U was aggressive.

The boys' driving improved remarkably too.

I thank God for them all.

Life should be like that.

Now, its back to reality.

I feel more relaxed thou I wish the holiday was longer.

We are toying with a BKK trip later this year... wahahaha...

For more trip photos, refer to facebook.

Kita was the official photographer this time!!

Daily Affairs

2011-08-22T23:12:00.000-07:00

Life is at full swing now.

So full, I don't even know what has passed me

nor what to expect these days.

In the deepest of my conscience, I am doing my best at work

And I feel jaded to an extent.

I got a brand new team of persons,

most of them I brought in,

I feel an affinity with them...

I mean, I must like them to want to bring them in

and work with them, right?

Nevertheless, I am burnt out.

Last week's photoshoot and intensity of juggling 2 new menus

were the last few straws.

Sleep deprived combined with tense feelings around the office

aren't exactly the right combination.

However, I am in a way glad and looking forward to the

road trip with Yoda Kita, my close friends and my dear hubs!!

I never wanted to travel more.

In fact, its gonna be a great form of escape!!

Now I truly understand why some of my friends love

to travel out of town once a month

even if its somewhere nearby.

Hello World

2011-08-16T01:56:00.001-07:00

A quick "HELLO" to all my friends.
Yes, I am back to being active in blogging again.
Will update more tonight.
I am so looking forward to my Roadtrip 2011!!!!

My 2 Frens

2011-04-26T23:37:00.000-07:00

I have been reflecting and pondering to myself
do people around me grow together with me or not?

For a fact, I have realised that 2 of my friends
are different now, maybe I have also changed
in the sense, that I am doing different things and
do not wish to stay the same, as I want to learn,
hopefully adapt well and improve.

To me, though they too want these things,
they hold back a lot more than me.
And I feel stuck in time, in a different place
when I hang out with them.

I came to a conclusion,
based on a series of observations
over the last 3 months...
that I will need to focus on what I am
going after and just bring my partner - the hubs,
along with me, I CANNOT change people and
I CANNOT bring everyone I care for, along with me,
its either they come along on my bandwagon,
OR they will need to stepside for a bit
while I do my things and accomplish something
out of my life first, because, right now,
they are secondary.
I feel more "used" than treated as an equal
in these 2 particular friendships, more than anything else.

I had enough of being the usual me,
the one where people got issues, squabbles,
problems, sadness, depression or whatever shit
there is, I play the listening ear, offer my input
and then allow my positivity and encouraging nature
to be sucked dry, I am physically tired though
superbly excitied about helping my clients do things.
Like the upcoming launch, like the new e-commence website,
like the packaging, the design, the media kit...
every detail, demands my focus and I see me putting my mark
on the world, in my own little way thru all these.
I quit playing the sucker. I quit.

True, I can make a difference and make a mark in
another person's life too, but it does take a lot more effort
and in retrospect, where it pertains to these 2 friends,
I feel more and more disillusioned.
It doesn't matter if I know them for a long time or not.
I just feel that they do not reciprocate and nothing is
working out, all else fails on them, as they are
stubborn / selfish / only turn to me in the down times,
I ALSO WANT TO BE THAT PERSON YOU TURN TO
WHEN YOU ARE FIGGIN' HAPPY or Overjoyed!!!!!!!!!!!!

But that is not possible.

I had my own shit to clear today / this week,
I know its totally my bad,
like this is as bad as I can go,
I cannot get any worse.
I hated myself in this sticky situation,
thankfully for mature / fast to react / and real friends
who are there, and most willing to help me out.
AND NOT LEAVE ME TO DIEEEEE!!!!
Like you both did.

Sometimes, time is not the eventual factor
why you will end up being so close to someone else,
over a certain someone you know recently.
Sometimes. In the last 3 months.....
time has certainly been proving itself.
Oh, I will still be your friend, not to worry.
But something has changed inside me.
It already has. As I made a conscious effort to...
try and stick to my decision.
Whether its a good or bad decision,
only time will tell.
But only God, and I know
what the hell I am talking about.

Really.
Enough of this sort of silly pressure.
Good riddance to such friendships I feel (sometimes)
but I ain't that heartless.
I will still be your friend. Just different.

I want to focus on things that give me results.
And develop real adult relationships.
You two can stay the way you are.
Its fine. I just am short of time,
to be around much.
I also don't like how you both make me feel.
It is a feeling and place, I really do not wish to visit.
Not ever.

p/s: thanks for your little prayer, it helped.
but I do need a break from you. For a while.
I need my space to do my own real work.

My Last Week

2011-04-24T19:52:00.000-07:00

What's really interesting this week is....
besides myself, around 4 other colleagues are resigning
and their last week concides with mine too.

Some of them have leave and will actually end up
leaving earlier than myself.
Two of them, are heading to Dubai... their last day, today.

One of them, heading back to China permanently,
and his last day is Thursday... which is great,
as he gets to watch Prince William wed Kate on Fri!!!
Argh!!!...which I am dying to watch too.

And I am dying to leave and take a break from here.

And do more exercises.

Daniel is forcing me to learn to swim again today.

I am so not happy about the whole thing.

I rather do other stuff.

The long weekend was good.
Came and went too soon, somehow.
I guess when you have a great rockin' time,
it flies in a blink.
We (almost) had overnight mj on Thursday
but due to aging issues, we sustained till 4am
before dying of sleep deprive.
and konked off to Lala Land.

Then I setup a new blog,
For now, I do not intend to put my face on it,
just review the products and give honest feedback
as there are some stuff out there
that sucks even though they promise you "eternal youth"
in a bottle.... some mambo jumbo magic potion crap!!
Oh and the blog is http://www.thebeautyguru.blogspot.com/

And the new product I am helping a client undertake
is about to launch. I need to find the box to prep the media kits!!
And get the Press Release done and media list done.
I am scared in a good way. And I need to pray more.
There is so much more to go.
Sometimes, I already do get tired out by everything.
But I tell myself, this will be worth it.
The whole concept, execution and direction
came from my brains!!!! I jolly well see thru it.
*Suck it up Ruth....!!* Gambate!

This is a test. A test of tiredness
and whether I will be tired out or not.
I just need to make sure I will not suffer burn out.
I am still sleep deprived.
~~ peace

Counting the Blessings in these times

2011-04-18T23:42:00.000-07:00

I may have mentioned on a few occassions
how i have tension with my folks,
esp the Mum-sy.
But, nevertheless, I love her the most
in the entire family.
She has been joking a lot lately
cos there is a quiet pride
that I note in her tone of voice
as she cautions me in investing
and helps me buy shares
and advises on my
other investment portfolio.

I have also since setup my own firm,
and am working on a freelance basis,
doing mainly PR, Marketing, Events and Advertising
jobs, which includes website and design work.
Yup, sounds a lot on my plate,
even thou I seem to work very much harder now,
but it does not feel that way and my drive,
the drive.... its pure fun and tiring
to work 2 jobs, of cos now that I have resigned
and the workload in the office has lessen,
I can focus on the setting up
and launching my client's new product
in 2 weeks' time.

I am going to be busier.
This is fun but no joke juggling,
I pray to God that I am able to match the same
dedication and time and have the privacy
to do the same in my new job role
which I am looking forward to as well
next month.

I come alive at night,
working till pass 1am for the past one week,
despite whatever is taking place.
I catch myself spending every available time
to inspire myself, to come up with ideas
concepts, think of better ways of doing things,
proposing to my client, my designer,
how to do up the website, the packaging,
the standee.... everything.
BUT IT ACTUALLY satisfies my soul,
my innate need for someone to appreciate my ideas
and THE BEST PART is to see it taken up
and come to "LIVE" plus it will be islandwide
in 2 weeks!!!!! WOOHOOOOOOO.....

I am swooning......
But I am still lacking of time,
I think up ideas in the shower,
while walking in the park, while on the bus,
on the train, surfing the web,
sometimes when watching TV,
HOW TO do it better, bigger and more impactful.
Occassionally, I catch the drama queen in me
stirring and surfacing, by wanting more "drama"
and more "pattern" in the finished artwork. Haha!

But it has been a time of
I am so grateful for how busy, happy and fruitful
this period has been,
honestly, I am so stressed out of late
by EVERYthing, that my period is late by 8 days.
I thought I was preggy!!!! OMG....
Not now... not when things are taking off,
really cannot manage another human being
in my life now, really.

I got my work cut out for me.
Pitching, "cold calling", networking,
meeting new people, setting up online presence,
doing QC checks, running around meeting
client / designer / searching for packaging and all...
all in a day's work.

So, pray for me....
if you remember, in your own time,
for me to manage everything
and juggle and balance out as much as I can.
It is fun, FUN and more Fun!!!!!
I still love being me....
I utterly love being a mover and shaker,
love being at the forefront,
love seeing things happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thank God, one my dreams...
could be coming true
soon, and be stable enough for me to
bring the dough home.

I especially wanna thank
1) GOD
2) my Mum
and 3) dear Daniel.
for being positive, encouraging and a help
thou not necessarily in that order but
somehow, in their own way,
I am eternally grateful.
For their quiet sense of pride and belief in me.

I am Blest, to be a blessing.
I know I always am.
Amen to that!

p/s: my mum's jokes lately surround my blood type
she says in the family, both her blood type and mine
are the same, thus, we both are quick-tempered
but extremely smart and creative..... I know it sounds lame
haha, like lame HAHA but whatever makes her happy lar.

The GREAT Friend(ly) Expectation

2011-04-12T01:58:00.000-07:00

You know, on Sunday last week was my Godma's birthday
as per every year, I wanted to treat her to a great lunch,
just like every other year, except this time.....
even though the food was exceptional value for money
and for a fact that my Godma was real happy
YET I was v. v. unhappy, in fact unhappy is understated,
let's just say I was made to feel lousy,
even though I paid for everyone who was present.

The scenerio went like this:
I told the hubs that I only wanted
what we ALWAYS do every year,
to treat Godma on her birthday and Mother's Day
I SHOULD STICK TO THAT - ALWAYS...
NOW & FOREVER!!!
MENTAL NOTE TO SELF: STICK TO JUST 3 OF US.
DON'T BE TOO KIND
AND DON'T BE AN IDIOT.

Anyways, where was I? Let's see....
Yes, so things went according to plan
we gave her two choices,
Indonesian cuisine or Chinese cuisine
because old people prefer those
SHE IS 80++ by the way
and she is Peranakan so
I know she loves her spicy food.

Anyways... then Andy suggested cheering Darren up
as one of his family member passed away v. v recently
and me being me, the nice one, felt bad,
decided to ask both Andy and Darren along for this lunch
with intentions to treat them to a meal.
But I wanted to keep this a surprise,
so I jabbed and joked about how they have to pay
as we are going Dutch and all.... smiling.

I don't think they got my joke as both of them
really offered to pay
almost at the start of the meal
I did say, I will treat.
This is said after I already
ordered the food for ALL of us
noting and bothering to remember
what they ALL like to eat
as we have had meals together in the past before.

Guess what?
I feel like a bloody fool now.
Almost like an idiot....
the feeling is akin to how some
of the lawyers treat me here.

You know why?
It is because....
Darren had the nerve to text me today
saying he feels that I should have asked
what ANDY and HIMSELF would like to order.
Sorry, can you seriously repeat that?
I mean, which part of I told you
this meal was solely meant for my GODMA
did you not get?
Not meaning to make you feel bad
but really, your presence is just an accompaniment
not a main feature.
AND the best part?????
THE best part is, he told me,
I am worried / concerned for you,
I need to tell you in case you dine with clients
and you treat them like that!!!!!

I may sound cocky or for
a fact that I know my work
that WHY WOULD I IN BLUE HELL
treat my clients like that?????????
I mean, how did I survive a decade of PR
and do well (of course GLORY BE UNTO GOD!)
and survive and get better
and progress to a better level????

IS IT.... LET ME SEE....
dictating the food my client can order????
how stupid REALLY do you treat me as????????

YOU should manage your expectations
WHO ARE YOU, to want to order food
I see you LAPPING UP EVERYTHING that day
including Andy and Daniel.
Doesn't that prove I know
what you all usually take???

You are no different in this case
from the lawyers I detest here.
Really.
And you are supposedly, my Bff.....
Ouch!

It was my Godma's birthday.
That's that.
I am so not in the wrong.
I am so not apologising.
I so intentionally did not ask you two.
SO WHAT???????

When Weston's mum cooked for us,
or when I cook for you all at my home
and when we all sit to eat,
DID U EVER ASK OR ORDER
WHAT U WANTED TO EAT???? NO....

WHY ARE U DOING THIS NOW????
You wanna know why - simple,
familiarity breeds contempt.
that's why!

Pondering

2011-04-08T00:10:00.000-07:00

I really don't know what is going on or why the so-called lawyer friends or friends here in general are coming across, a little standoff-ish, perculiar, fake and at the drop of a hat, turn all cold and 180deg change. Its bloody scary, and I got to ride out the "last days" alone... more or less but thankfully with some trainees here I can still pass time... but I hate to think how can these people do a 180deg so soon and be so practical and nonchalant and act like I am of no value and look pass me as a human being. Its too dam cold. People whom I thought were friends, well, I can tell who are really my friends now. I am in the midst of setting up my own firm. I will be boss some day, with God's blessings but I sure as hell will take my business elsewhere and not to Harry Elias Partnership, its too scary at how terribly fake these people are. And how rude, they truly can get. Out of the group, only John seems to be fine and we are talking still, Ber... seems distant, though we recently talked again. Anyways, its people like that I guess that sort of spurs me, to want to do better in life to make them bite the dust. I need to think happy thoughts and be positive and glad and oh so contented cos the weekend has descended on me! WOOHOOOOO...........

Starting Up

2011-04-03T23:55:00.000-07:00

I am so excitied! I am in no mood to work in HEP. I got deadlines. But I really... don't REALLY care! I will prod my feet along... and try to do up what I can. But what is keeping my spirit alive and all is me having 2 leads... to push my own PR agency along and try to get it up and running. I know it is not easy esp now that I am having a full time job and I end up thinking of ideas and working for my own company at night. But I am happy... super gleeful, as there is more satisfaction from seeing my own works up and running and my potential clients are happy with my ideas and writing style. I am entasked to do up a marketing blitz for a food range and a skincare range... right up my alley. I AM SOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY!!! Till the next update, tata! From a very busy Ruth.

A Mosaic

2011-04-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

This week has been a huge array of colours

and song associations.

It has seen its Highs

and its Lowest.

This week is quite drama.

Darren, my best male friend...

well, his mum went home to the Lord.

He is upset.

He cried delicately, like a frail girl.

It touched my heart.

I think a grown man shedding tears

when it counts and warrants

is a sign of confidence

and keeps him real and within reach.

Somewhat, keeping things real.

I went down to the wake last night

but the thing that counts

is when he texted me

and told me:

"I really don't know how much longer

I can remain strong,

but I need to remain strong

for my dad and sister."

I think he is very courageous

and is doing his best to be a pillar of strength

I have a quiet admiration for his spirit. really.

I listened a lot to music this week

more than my usual dose

listened to it in a way

that the lyrics of the song being played

has commanded my attention

usually, music just becomes a background

fading into oblivion, serving only

to calm my nerves or allow me

to tap my fingers and toes to.

Then I heard Alicia Key's Empire State of Mind

I associated it with Darren,

I have song associations for everyone in my life

almost all -

like I would think of

1) my Mummy once Teresa Teng's

"Honey Sweet Love" comes on

2) Daniel's song is

Hoobastank's "The Reason"

3) Weston's song is

Anything from ABBA

4) Desmond's song is

Anything high pitched from Madonna

5) My Own Song...

It can sometimes be

Robin Thicke's "Lost Without You"

Paramore's "The Only Exception"

I reflected a lot more than usual

asked questions about the people around me

my eyes widen at how I uncover

who is more of a friend to me

than others

and who is more normal

than the rest

and who does not expect any returns

for deeds done or actions sowed.

I seen and found more true friends

than those I initially thought so

I maybe 30

but I can still be occassionally wrong

and there is no shame in admitting so.

I am not infalliable.

I am but human.

If I am perfect, I would be a saint by now.

Not here, dwelling on earth

and earning my keeps.

BUT

the HIGHS of this week

was really really High.

I celebrated triumphly

with my friends...

everyone who geniunely cares

were super happy

and freaked out

when I told them my job's pay increment

was SGD2000 more

and I am now an AVP of a listed local firm

who has a chain of outlets

in Singapore and regionally.

Its surreal and dreamy.

I feel very blessed.

Like I don't know what hit me.

All I did was to prepare, obey God

and pray hard and long.

I really wanted to move on.

I was very skeptical of applying for this

new role originally,

but, I thought, give it a shot.

If its meant to be.

I will take it.

I got staff under me now.

I need to manage people.

Cos I am Boss now.

Its a new skill set and different ballgame

I need to set example.

I need to behave properly

not be feng feng dian dian

but more composed.

Still friendly, smile more

but steady, be confident,

come up with more brillant ideas

be an innovative and creative

AVP... make a real difference

leave a very impressive report card

blazing the trail... setting new benchmarks

providing better solutions.

Its time for this kiddo to grow up

at least from Mondays to Fridays.

I will need to maintain a certain distance

from my staff...

It is a management skill set,

allowing them to give you due respect

and not be too chummy and climb

all over your head.

Yet, I got to impart what i know

and guide them and groom them

for I am a believer that

the best leader

is one that plans for succession.

Yet, I am answerable for their deliverables.

I may sound like I am giving myself too much stress now

Maybe I am.

But I am praying, that God will provide me

solutions and wisdom,

a way out of situations that arises

and an awesome marketing team

that will rub off each other's strength.

So that i can help the department

fight for better bonuses,

thru my appraisal of their work.

And justify for our existence

and what this department brings

to the plate.

Its exciting.

I am happy.

Really.

This April's Fool.

Is no joke,

except for the iPhone dying on me literally..

it has been a brillant week!

In terms of reflection,

counting my blessings

and me spending so much time

with my family

esp my mummy.

As I take stock

and soak up the love I have

and give thanks

and receive favour from above...

I know I can rest easy

in the coming 3 weeks

before I say goodbye to

the legal sector.

This time, for good.

I love being me now.

Its the best role to play now.

Me. Just good lil' me.

Being Normal

2011-03-27T20:07:00.000-07:00

A bff's mum is warded in hospital and is probably fighting for her life on a daily basis... I know the mum personally too that's what makes it so hard, to see my friend cry. The entire weekend was somber, there was no mj session, not much loud laughter or jabbing, or jokes, like somehow, my close friends were away, seeking some form of solace in their own world, away from us. I guess, we all need that from time to time. But the thing is, it was quite scary . . . to some extent, cos, I do not know what to expect or what else to do for my bff, besides being there, praying and just listening. He cried, I tried hard to fight back tears... He prayed for his mum and took the longest possible amount of time to say a simple prayer and I was numbed in my spot. He spoke of his mum and memories of her and I again fought back tears and tried to project a calm voice. Then I did a random checklist in my head, of ALL the people I know and care for, some closer than others, others, getting closer than the other ones. I started to tear.... Such a typical woman lar ME!!!! Really. I cannot tahan how seemingly weak I seem, at the drop of a hat, think of people I love and Viola! Cry. Then get emo. Then moody. Then don't want to eat But I like this part about me, at least I am still human. I am still kind. I can still care. And I can show compassion. I really cannot give a rat's ass care to people who say I am too trusting or too naive, or both or whatever else opinion you form about me, its precisely who I am.... that draws people to me, of both genders. I AM NORMAL..... and it is great to be normal.

Work

2011-03-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

Tell me. . . . . .

WHAT AM I DOING HERE???

REALLY!!!

I don't want to be here.

Lord, I pray....

please open up doors for me

please...

it is close to a cry for help

I am 85% rotten...

still rotting.

I am not learning

though I still want to.

I know I sound stupid.

For giving up.

On something good in the past.

Please grant me favour again.

To start on a new chapter.

This is killing me.

HERE.

Being here, is killing me softly

but surely.

Nothing... Empty... But Good?

2011-03-22T20:22:00.000-07:00

You know, sometimes, solace and peace

and a "Zen" state is really, very sought after

followed by a thankful heart, filled and overflowing

with praises and love and gratitude.

I am undergoing that right now

kind of doing some internal cleaning of my system

a re-boot and recharge to help me go further

and be a better person, and someone

more enjoyable to be around

Then I can enjoy the people in my life more

cherish them,

with all their quirks and flaws,

and not see them thru tainted glasses

rather, choose to see the best of them

and what they can bring to the plate

To continue to inspire where I can

make someone smile,

offer listening ears

and my love... in whatever possible way

so, this period, is like me

running into a petrol station

and refilling my tank before

it runs out of gas.

So, being almost empty

and not expecting too much

sometimes....

is a good thing.

In this instance,

I can unwind,

live simply,

recall why I love the persons in my life

in the first place

and just be glad that most of them still

exist on earth.

Ahhhhh..... Life, should be as such!

me.happy.

That Person

2011-03-21T19:09:00.000-07:00

Over time, Christians who are suppose
to be set apart and different from the usual
everyday 'unsaved' persons, Christians who
are entasked to be ambassadors for Christ,
can fall and end up being an everyday person,
forgetting that we should not criticise, condemn
and complain so much neither should we gossip.

I, have seriously grown tired from hearing all these,
I am asking myself, what do I learn out of these?
Actually nothing, the conclusion is always the same.
Politics should be shunned and hearsay, gossip is
for small people with free time, which, in any case,
whether I have free time or not, should not waste time in
lending my ears or two cents to.

Recently, in my workplace, there has been this prolong
period.... where I have been lending my ears and at
times, when I try to play the mediator, I get chewed on
and bitten. My ears are sore from listening
and my heart is tired. Sick and tired.
My soul does not get renewed nor refreshed,
nothing happy or great comes out of it.
I am trying to be positive and upbeat
but people like that and
silly issues that arises like that
does nothing.

So the article below. Says it all for me:

During a time of economic crisis and depressing news,
two students at Purdue University decided to
lift the spirits of people on campus with
some encouraging words.
For two hours every Wednesday afternoon,
Cameron Brown and Brett Westcott
stood along a busy walkway
holding a large 'Free Compliments' sign
and saying nice things to everyone who passed by.
...I like your red coat.
...Cool snow boots.
..Very nice smile.
Some students said they deliberately walked past
'the compliment guys' every Wednesday
just to hear a kind word.

I was struck by these two young men
who looked at people with the goal
of commending them,
rather than finding fault or being critical.
Is that how I, as a follower of Christ,
view others each day?
Instead of being like the person
who is focused on evil and
whose speech is 'like a burning fire'
Proverbs 16:27
we can take a different approach,
knowing that what we say begins deep inside us.
'The heart of the wise teaches his mouth,
and adds learning to his lips.
Pleasant words are like a honeycomb,
sweetness to the soul and health to the bones'
Proverbs 16:23 to 24.
Kind words may be free,
but they give a priceless lift of spirit.
Why not encourage someone today?

The power in words can build up or tear down
Create a big smile or produce a sad frown;
So in all your contacts with people each day,
Be sure to encourage in all that you say.
~ Fitzhugh

A gentle word of compliment falls lightly
but it carries great weight.

Being His Good Child Again

2011-03-20T18:47:00.000-07:00

You know, it always is wonderful
to take everything into perspective
and look at things sometimes as they are
and at other times, read into them.

It is always fantastic to have Daniel back
in Singapore and back by my side.
Daniel is God sent.
A real blessing in my life.
Sometimes, given the last 10 years
that we have known each other
I really don't know what I will be
without him. He makes me better.
He makes me believe in love and life
and God, has a wonderous way of
reminding me, of how much I enjoy
the simple pleasures and contentment
of having him around.

That being said, this entry is NOT
about Daniel. Hahaha... nope.
It is about me, trying to find joy
and everything good about life
and the people around me.

I lost joy and probably still am
trying to find some balance and discipline
and everything that's good in between.
I took the initiative to go jogging
yesterday, it was a mere 3 rounds or so,
but it felt good, I was thankful
for the light blue skies
the fluffy white clouds
the green trees and the brown bark
the birds that fly and the insects that crawl
on the grass patch and the cats around the block.

I am grateful to have a mum who still loves me
despite our sometimes tense relationship
and I am thankful that my family was there
to celebrate my biggest day - our wedding day
I am glad to have a brother who cares about me
from time to time, however infrequent it maybe
and I am glad I have so many good and close friends
who are willing to just hang out with me
and talk rubbish, jab, and do nothing at times.

That these friends, are really friends who I hold true
and fast to my heart, people who do not judge me.
People who are trying to be better,
for themselves, for family, for their future.
People who are easy, trusting and simpler than most.

Importantly, I found God. I am talking more to Him.
Its important to seek Him yourself.
Your growth, is important, but you need to want to grow
to see that it is ultimately your responsibility
NOT Pastor's, NOT the Cell Leader's,
NOT your Husband / bf / gf / wife's
NOT your parents' nor friends'
It has to start and do with YOU.
No one can force you....
you need to want this growth
and be motivated to get close to God again.
I realised all these in the last month.

I actually feel refreshed
and good over Sat / Sun and this morning.
It's fantastic....
to have so much love to give
and be surrounded by love
love of family and friends....
and the most vital love,
the love of God.

I hope that Daniel is as pleased with me.
And I just hope, I am His Good Child again

Why We Don't Want Kids

2011-03-16T19:08:00.000-07:00

People my age, are getting hitched

like nobody's business, the wedding industry

is filled with lots of opportunities

despite the tension and stress that comes

along with planning for the Big Day!

But after you are married, you get invited to

more baby showers than ever....

its like a rat race to see who can produce more

and produce faster and cuter kids.

However, that being said, there are

plenty of reasons why we do not want to have

children of our own, not that we cannot

but, I think there is no other way but

to say it is mainly for selfish reasons

no matter how cute, well-behaved or good-looking they are:

1) having a kid, preparing for one and taking care

of a child is a lifetime affair that costs a lot

2) you need to worry for the kid, train, teach, nuture

and plan for them and of cos pray like mad

3) you got to ensure they are taught values like

staying humble, being respectful, kind, friendly

& not turn out to be like some of the anal young kids

that I know of these days, who have no qualms to

speak their minds and not care of consequences

4) then the wife will lose her figure, esp after a couple of kids

despite the fact that she will go thru a huge change within

her body thru a course of about 9.5months.

5) life will be filled with child-friendly products, corners, things, songs

everything will be invaded, your only personal space

(may or may not) be the throne room (toilet)

6) one will learn how to clean, bathe, change and feed

a small human being and its no joke

7) And then, the wife may go thru Post Natal Depression

and its no fun, when it does not need to happen

in the first place, saving money, time, stress and heartache

8) As Christian parents, you will need to set better examples

to uphold & instill Christian values to the kid,

ensuring they go church / Sunday School and

pray to God they won't turn out bad

9) You got to ensure that you are always open to their ideas,

ensure communication lines are open,

that they do not engage in premarital sex where possible

and they will not rebel in their teenage years

10) Make sure you got the funds to give them the best

in terms of education especially and that includes hiring tutors

It really is WAY TOO MUCH effort... I do wonder how

on earth our parents did it.

We do not see the point and hassle...

yes, we will be lonely when we grow old

but there are always friends

to accompany you.

And perhaps our dog in future.

Green Day

2011-03-16T01:01:00.000-07:00

You probably are thinking of the band
no, I am not referring to the band - Green Day
Neither am I sick,
in Mandarin, when you are sick, people say
"Your face is qing qing - depicting green... no colour."
Well, I still have that bout of flu
and the monthly cramps but I am not sick enough
to be called sick.

Rather I am referring to GREEN with envy.

Yes, envy. A subject that I don't usually allow
myself to be sucked in or ponder too much into
but it struck and it hit hard.

To most of you reading this,
you would probably know by now that
I have intentions of one day, God-willing,
and very much hopefully so.... becoming a Boss.
Own my PR firm
jetting to and fro for launches and to meet clients
having more than enough work to keep everything
afloat and running. Sounds lofty?

Why I want to is, because....
1) no one in family is a successful Business owner
2) I am sick of working for someone and
having a small take home pay
3) If I am taking shit and crap from someone,
that person jolly well be my direct client
4) I will have to work hard at the start but
be able to enjoy the fruits of my labour later with more flexibility
5) I have no joy currently, the legal sector is really boring...
generally, lawyers are full of hot air, think they know all.

There are 2 main options open:
a) look for another similar position job
(sent lots of CV but surprisingly, no interviews)
b) cold call and pitch to clients for PR work
(surprisingly, got responses, am working more on this now
& praying)

But why did I say today is GREEN DAY,
not that I care a lot for the environment esp.
much today....
RATHER I RECEIVED A PHONE CALL
from a friend whom I was supposed to partner
to setup my PR agency with
who got things going for herself,
with a launch party for some Korea thing
and another one in Macau for the media.
And she doesn't have real PR background,
advertising yes, not PR.
I feel sore. Yes I do.
Short of saying this seems like some
competition, well, it kinda is....
as I do want to get everything going.... soon.

Good friends have been telling me
with the nicest of intentions
to always not head into a partnership first
as it may complicate matters and worse still,
ruin a friendship, which is possible.

BUT SHE, who just gave birth and all
has hit the ground running,
I feel like I lost out. Am slow.
Like I am asking, why am I not there yet?
Why am I not having things going yet?
I know it is all about timing, God's timing,
I know I should not envy
as it is bad for the soul.
BUT I just can't help it today.
I feel like a loser. In a way.
My own self-confidence,
sort of took a beating.
I know her projects are merely
a one time off thing.
But it can always grow into something long term.

Maybe I am meant to be a worker bee?
Maybe not a Boss Bee????

Hais..... sian. So sian.

God... I pray that somehow, soon,
things will soothe itself
and my paths will smoothen again
and I will find joy.
It is my prayer and hope that
I will own my own PR agency
with more than enough clients
on a long term basis to sustain my lifestyle.

Pray For JAPAN! Appeal for Compassion... Donations.

2011-03-14T21:03:00.000-07:00

Hi Guys,

I know I am not Japanese

but I really feel for them

for a few key reasons -

they may have already been badly hit

by the Tsunami followed by

a 9.0 Earth-shattering quake

which further devasted their plight.

The worse is NOT over,

everyone in the Tohuku & Sendai regions

are living in fear, awaiting aftershocks

that has been said, would hit at 7.0 on the richter scale

, the worst hit being Miyuki perfecture,

everything is gone. Wiped out.

Families broken. Homes gone.

Every single piece of shit, just gone.

The alarming part now has been

the 3 nuclear blasts that have gone off,

the latest being the 3rd one this morning

all within close proximity

within the Yokohama region.

I am appealing to your compassion

to not just pray along for the people.

http://www.japanprayernetwork.com/

but also to donate generously for a good cause.

There really isn't much we can do now.

But to help in whatever way we can.

Japan did not ask for this to happen.

Whatever preparation she made,

whatever provisions... is not enough.

So please help, I already did, won't you join me:

http://www.peace-winds.org/en/

Click on the Donate Now Button,

it is in USD dollars, give what you can,

they accept paypal.

OR if you prefer, you can head to the Red Cross link:

http://american.redcross.org/site/PageServer?pagename=ntld_main&s_src=RSG000000000&s_subsrc=RCO_FrontPagePanel

What a Night! What a Feeling.....!!!!!!!

2011-03-13T18:30:00.000-07:00

I had a real blast last night

hosting both my close friends' wedding

they are truly deserving of each other

and one can already tell the mutual love

and respect they have for each other

even before the new chapter was embarked.

It was a dazzling and sensational affair

in true travel agent style, and you would not expect

any less than the glitz, glamour, crazy insane fun

the funniest stories told, the lame-est jokes

and lots of BS, lots of beautiful people,

people who partied hard, drank harder, talked louder,

laughed faster, posed more and had lots and lots

of photos taken, I think the batteries would just

cave in on us first. And were just real.

I forgot how good it felt....

I missed everyone, it felt like a huge,

insanely huge yet real gathering,

I felt so at home, like amongst close friends

and relatives, met my ex-bosses, met up

with my gay friends, did I mention how much

and really like how much I miss their crap???

I really did. I think I need to start meeting them

a little bit more than I do now.

There was love. There was warmth. There was acceptance.

Importantly, there was fun!

Like rocking good, solid FUN!!!!

My co-host of the evening was this

super duper diva gay,

I love him to bits....

Daniel found him dam funny

This gay kept holding my hands,

and Daniel was so cool about it,

if it was any other guy, maybe not.

Food was great. Music was solid.

Their photos and video were different.

The couples' mums were so funny and wonderfully nice!

They were the coolest mums I have ever met

at any wedding!!!

I went back late. I was on a natural high.

I am so sleepy this morning.

But it was just so darn good.

What a great great GREAT time!!!!

Joy

2011-03-10T22:35:00.000-08:00

I badly need to find the joy
and positivity that was once in my life
every single day!!!

I am fast approaching a cynic's mindset
esp from Mon - Fri
I am only taking a much needed break from it
on weekends.

I miss laughing out loud on the phone
- every single day at work
- enjoying my work
- loving my vendors
- being surrounded by people of friendly, harmless nature
and being "feng feng dian dian"

I lost my mojo.
I need it back.
Very badly.
I am not at a good place in my life now
God, please grant me new pastures.....
mine is the Gobi desert now
with the occassional ball of hay flying about.

Please grant me better things,
better people, more love,
a better boss, or better yet - make me a better boss!
better everything.

Germany, Russia, Austria and Venice MEN!!!

2011-03-09T23:59:00.000-08:00

There is a part of me that not many know

I guess not even Daniel,

as he does not appreciate the classics.

When I get into the mood or

sometimes, over a prolong period of time,

I will turn to a few men...

ahem, for comfort.

Where they can serenade me

and take my mind off things

and lend a hand in helping my imagination

soar off the charts, into a world

where no one can inhabit

but their music and me!

I am talking about a group of men

who have captivated me

since I was 7yrs old!!! GASP....

Just like how I was introduced to

Pablo Picasso and Vincent Van Gogh

when I was 13 and loved their works

and Michelangelo when I was 15....

these great men, have inspired my art,

drawings, imagination and every artistic cell

in me to just be free, in my drawings,

writings and imagination.

Anyways, digressing from the main topic,

the group of men who captivated me and

brought me into their world of music,

a safe haven of solitude and tranquility

when the world gets to me

and drives me nuts or when I need time

to be away from humans, I escape to their world

ARE:

Bach (Air on a G String)

Debussy (Clair De Lune & Ballade 1890)

Mozart (Piano Concerto 21 & Symphony No 40 in G Minor)

Beethoven (Moonlight Sonata)

Vivaldi (Four Seasons - Spring)

Tchaikovsky (Swan Lake & the ENTIRE Nutcracker Suite)

I cannot begin to tell you how much I adore

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky and how much of a genius

he really is despite his weird relationships.

And a fact that almost all artistic persons are

somewhat eccentric.

Some of the pieces I ADORE from his collection are:

The Nutcracker: Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy

The Nutcracker: Waltz of the Flowers

The Nutcracker: Dance of the Reed Pipes

The Nutcracker: March

The Nutcracker: Russian Dance

The Nutcracker: Snowflakes

The Nutcracker Suite

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

Being Sick Yet Passionate

2011-03-09T20:15:00.000-08:00

I know the title of this post sounds ridiculous
like how does one be passionate when sick
well, it has taken place over the last 2 days.

I was down with a very bad dose of the flu bug
and an inflammed throat, so I was literally
drowsy for most parts of the day, despite
the fact that I would like to prop myself up
and read a book or watch movies.
It was hard, but during moments when I was sober
and the drugs had lessen its effects on me
I was all alert and passionate....

Not making out... noooooo!!!!! Please.

Rather, I was penning down ideas
ideas that people do appreciate
and I will have free reign over --
to recommend and give my expert opinion on
and the feeling was good, it was tough work
but it felt very fulfilling inside.
My soul is ignited once more!
It really feels good to do what you love
and are good at, it sets you free!

How many people can claim that
they love their work / jobs?
Not many... a lot of us end up working for money
or for whatever other reasons.
But not for the passion.

So when you end up
doing what you love,
you will never ever have to work
(or at least drag your feet to work)
another day in your life again!
I am coming closer to that.
Soon, soon. Very soon.

I really want to thank God.
And my school teachers,
for punishing me
and making me stand outside the classroom
many times over,
for talking a lot during lessons
as I discovered my talent at an early age
which is to connect with people
to talk to them,
be confident and have a presence.
To influence.

15 Months On.... What Has Changed

2011-03-06T19:43:00.000-08:00

What are the Key Differences about Daniel at this point in our marriage:
- he still helps around the house like vacumning, mopping & emptying the thrash but not as regular... starting to slack
- he is still as technically inclined and is Mr. Fix Everything around the Home
- he is back to being my alarm clock
- he jokes more, talks more rubbish than when I first know him
- he is good at almost all games (which irritates me)
- he has started to PMS from time to time (shocking!! even thou rare)
- he has occassionally started to manifest and switch to being "Pastor Daniel" and has preached to me on certain issues or people I don't like, on how important Christian values are.
- if God is willing, he could be made a partner at his firm soon
- he has good foresight on investments (most of the time)
- he has learnt how to be more and more like my cheerleader esp. in times like this
- he has also become my "dark knight" of late when I get teased and 'bullied'
- he cannot sleep if I don't crawl into bed at the same time, which means I cannot stay up to read or watch telly. Sian!
- he gets along really well with all my friends.

Half Compliment of the Day

2011-03-02T01:42:00.000-08:00

I had a friend requesting for me

to go and lose weight...

(he was my former ardent fan... yes, I had a fan club.LOL)
it came across in a superbly
subtle yet well-meaning way
so much so, I cannot take offence
and I am actually motivated to shed the kilos.

So, back to the weird Veggie diet
exercising and prep for my 12K Run
which is by April. How exciting!!
I know I can do it.
Been there. Done that. Love the results!

I need to intensify the running style.
Need to clock 1.5hours for 12K.
More weight training too,
and to ensure my metabolic rate remains
at the burning level everyday.
I neeeeeedddd those high cheekbones back!!!

=))))

Best Bits

2011-03-01T01:14:00.000-08:00

Everything sort of comes down to this
and it is also a tad sad when it happens
that the best part of my day
is to head home to my family...
when I also wish to enjoy the day portion
but it is tough. Really.

Well... at least tonight, I may have the dogs
to play with and hang out with.
They have a way with me.
And I will go for a punishing workout.
To release whatever is in me.

Time to Say Goodbye by Sarah Brightman

2011-02-28T07:20:00.000-08:00

I overheard this the other day

it sounded divine...

Sarah Brightman's voice is

as smooth as silk.

The chorus struck a chord in me

It also is apt.

Alas.... perhaps.

How does one stay

where no alternatives are given

and they ask for options and alternatives

all the time?

It obviously is double standards.

Middle Management is the hardest

and least rewarded place to be entrapped in.

Under-valued. Under-appreciated.

I am such a 3-for the price of-1

And taken as a sucker

Yelped at like a dog.

I really do not wish to be a door mat anymore.

If I was a rookie and starting out in my career,

fine and good, but point is, I am not.

I am a fellow human being too.

Some respect would be nice, humane and Christ-like...

yeah... OMG, you ARE a CHRIST-ian.

Its people like you, that cause fellow believers to stumble.

Its people alongside with you, that cause staff to quit.

I don't like feeling pathetic.

I know I can do so much more

I can soar much higher and fare way better than this.

You can just pay some fresh out of school

maybe $1600 and instruct away

let's see how the young today will last

under such leadership. Tough. Very.

because you all probably think

YOUR ideas are the BEST

cos you are lawyers,

the closest profession to GOD

to being a Saint.

But hey wait, you are so petty!!

So, Marketing is no big deal

no sweat, you can do it too.

Go ahead. Please do.

Don't treat me like that.

My experience and training

seems to count for nothing in your eyes

when you say things without thinking

without putting yourself in my shoes...

how many times have I taken the rap

on your behalf, enough.

You pay lip service,

nothing else. Your actions count for next to nothing.

A very apt song.

For people who think they can wear ALL hats

in the world and are close to God.

Bite the dust!

The Phone Call

2011-02-28T01:17:00.000-08:00

Because someone does not wish
to take minutes
I have been arrowed to do so
you know, my role has been
blurred, here, I am not merely
marketing, I become
secretary, HR recruiter, whatever else.

I am doing less and less of what
I know I am better at
and what I am originally meant to do here
so much so, I am jaded.

Enough is enough.
Really.
And lawyers in general
are really sensitive people
WHY do they need to read so much into things?
Sometimes, it is as plain and simple
you need not over-read into stuff.

I think I have had it up to my neck
don't push it over the bucket
DON'T. Its not the work that kills
it always hasn't been the work
it will always be the People
esp. if you do not have appreciative Bosses.

Whimsical Friday & Relationships

2011-02-24T20:13:00.000-08:00

I love Fridays and HOW AWESOME

it really can be!!!

Anyways, I am in my suspenders

and I feel "manly" today...

muahahaahahaaa...

like I got some secret lesbian lover

stashed away somewhere in the closet.

A colleague of mine just said how

she utterly loved my getup today... !! Ha.

But I am so woman...

and a happily married one at that.

This week has been wonderful

a lot of helpful people have been

lending a hand, offering love & support

and listening ears too.

i went to visit the folks yesterday

got a mouthful from my momsy,

and for no reason too.

It stinged and sucked, like the old

controlling her is out to play

but I practised some level of control

so that my temper will not fly off the handle

and escalate the situation and intensify it further

Hubs will be back today but off for reservist like

straightaway.. unbelievable... I donche like

singapore army. Irritating!!!

I hope he gets to book out every day

else, its another week of home alone

and I somehow, cannot sleep early when alone

I think, my mind tends to stay active then

and I hate the crawling into bed alone feeling

esp. since I am accustomed to having someone

to snuggle with, talk to and smell before I

can be lulled into dreamland.

Plus, I always have things to tell him

I am his "radio program" every evening

his personal DJ - singing, playing songs

and getting him to sing with me..

And I would love to feed off his energy

on how his day went

how he thought things thru

and how worldly-wise he seems

on the decisions he makes

and how he would encourage me

to stay positive and sorta forces me to read

I miss how we can play scrabble anytime

and wrestle physically for fun

or take long walks to Ikea / Anchorpoint

and lug groceries home

.... I love the "old man and old woman"

activities, I really hope to age like that

it is so routine, so simple but so heart-warming

I am so looking forward to seeing him

in just under 5 hours!!!

This weekend will be rocking!!!!!!!!

Of Mindset Shifts - Some Thoughts

2011-02-24T00:17:00.000-08:00

Someone once told me that
if you want to be successful in life
you should not set the stage for failure
by self-sabotaging yourself
esp. thru your thoughts.

Another friend said,
the human mind is weak
we need to strengthen it
by watching what we put into it
and that usually means our books
that we read, magazines and TV shows.
And by what words we use to reinforce.

So, for this week,
though it is seemingly,
a week that I can take things differently
esp. since I got ticked off by a certain
Mdm. Teo... I chose to think and see
the entire thing differently
and not spoil my own mood.

It works. Not sure if this can be
extended to include how I feel, act
and think towards family
as well as close friends or not
as those in that group
tend to have an after effect on me
be it in a big or small way.

It just won't be easy.
Exchange of feelings, trust and other
good stuff follows in a friendship / relationship.
Those are precious. Sacred.
But it also makes me vunerable to being hurt
by the words spoken and written sometimes.

So far so good,
Sunday's sermon seems to be doing a lot
for me.... I just need to sleep earlier today.
YAWNS....

Shopping with the (Unexpected) Bff

2011-02-23T18:47:00.000-08:00

As the Hubs was away...
and I was feeling more hardworking than usual
I decided to setup appointments of sorts
this whole week to meet friends
for dinners
with a couple of days kept aside for family

I met my best guy friend yesterday for dinner
over at Far East Plaza
a place I grew up with and always thought of as
hip, happening and youthful,
the vibe yesterday was just as spectacular

The best part about Far East is
it sort of serves to cater to my need
to stay young and sometimes act cute
Yes, I like to do that, from time to time
it sounds horrendous... at my age
but age is just a number
if you don't care, you will somehow remain youthful

We had a simple Zi Char dinner on the top floor
then proceeded to chat for quite a while
before he decided that he needs to get clothes
we went to this shop called "Z" on the 4th floor
and BOY DID HE SHOP!!!
But in all honesty, I had fun being his stylist
he got 2 shirts, a pants and a vest
so glad he trusts my creative and edgy taste
which are within his comfort zone

Anyways, I ended up buying a belt for the hubs
a skinny suspender for myself
(OH YESH, I intend to go hip & a tad musculine on Fridays!!)
and a really cool man's vest with scarf,
which is probably for gay men to wear
but works fine for me too..

After like 2 hours... we emerge and decided to head home
that was when... I saw THAT SHOP!!!!
That shop that carried the DVF, Laundry, Water Works
and BCBG, Calvin Klein cut off label shop
so whatever is in there is a fraction of the cost
of the real McCoy at their boutiques
and I literally went insane inside my head
I mean, I really love wrap dresses
and what they do for me

So, it was kinda my turn to do the catwalk
as I tried piece after piece
and like all typical guys, my bestie zoned out
by playing on his friggin' iPhone.....
Haiz...... till two dresses got the final nod
and of which I chose only one to buy
and then, I took a stab in the dark
and asked if he would like to get that
as my birthday gift,
and he said "YES".... a resounding Yes without hesitation

I could just do a little dance right there and then!
(imagine a joyful tune...)
Well, I am a skincare and clothes junkie
like how some girls are bags or shoes person

I may love a lot of things
but those closer to me know that
nothing gets to me better
than a well-thought out gift
and giving me something they know I would love
as they obeserve and remember what I like / love
and, I am easier to please now than when
I was in my late teens / early twenties...

In those times, I was still entrapped in some
random fairytale.... too unrealistic
now, haha.... quite pragmatic but I still enjoy surprises
like how he says YES to a DVF wrap dress
and I got a Tweety Bird pressie
and a homecooked Pasta Meal....
Stuff like that, gets to me, stays deep inside
and gets me all mushy, sentimental and girly
and I love those days.

Reminds me, the joys of being a girl!!!!!!!!!

Cos, there are a lot of inconveniences of being one. Heee...

I am blessed and thankful.

:)))))

Updates

2011-02-22T20:14:00.000-08:00

hello.....

Pardon my MIA for quite a few days
I had a ball. Loads of funny things took place
1) I moved office
2) I had a great actual birthday celebration
3) I received a super duper cute birthday gift (I don't care what you think, he maybe a cartoon but I absolutely adore him.... along with Donald Duck)
4) I had cleaned the home till its neater and cleaner now
5) I am emcee-ing my friends' wedding soon and for the 10th time (YAY!!!)
6) I played so much mahjong

I finally moved office, from one room to another and finally, my temp roomie is outta here and I got more privacy plus space for now, I actually like this room as it is well-lit. And I got a new stuff toy to accompany me... .he is so soft and squashy and cute and YELLOW!!!! And he has this teensy tiny singlet on. Awwww....
I was so tired out on Monday when I actually moved, there was so much of things to pack and move and ensure all is in one piece plus I got to unpack, it was a good workout of sorts. I ate a lot of carbs that day. I WAS FAMISHED all day with all that movement.

On Thursday last week, the hubs and I headed to Universal Studios Singapore and we both sat on the Battlestar Galatica!!!!!!!!!!! Finally it is open. It is by far, the most thrilling ride I have ever been on and worth every penny paid. We both thought we were going to see God lar. Well at least we were together... Hahhahaha... I know, morbid but so thrilling, this thrill-junkie decided to ride the Cyclone 3 times, the last time alone... the hubs was out, told me his heart was beating too fast and was feeling sick in the guts already. I was being super naughty that day, I totally totally told him in the "meanest possible game face" that he is weak.... and for a good 15mins, he was like my dad, sat there in one corner and held my bags as I went up for the thrill. But at this rate, we concluded that if we visited those in Korea or USA, we will need more days to recover in between or our centre of gravity will spin as we suffer the after effects the next day.

When I came into office on Monday, I got this super cute pressie from JC. Its so cute, he has the biggest blue eyes, is fluffy, soft, cuddly, has this tiny singlet on and is so cute.... TWEETY!!! He is watching me as I work now. I just need to maintain his colour. Someone just came into my room and commented, "Whoa, you still so young at heart ah? Got stuff toy here..." I mean, I am just being a girl.... ;)

As I no longer hire part time helpers over weekends, I decided to clean up the home - personally. The hubs mopped and sweeped the floors and I cleaned the entire toilet and kitchen and packed the rooms. It is a nice, clean and less dusty space now. I felt a sense of satisfaction and had another great workout.

My friend (from travel trade) is finally getting married, and she has asked me to host her wedding, I love hosting, esp in English and I come alive on stage. Just ask the hubs, he says I am like an entertainer and will totally be in my element... I am someone who enjoys having fun and LOVE sabo-ing people at their weddings... I am so full of nonsense. Yes, yes, I have been known even from young to be the ring leader for all "bad stuff", and I have the power to influence... my parents will agree on this with both hands down. So people like my younger bro, some friends have all gotten into little troubles here and there because of me (and I am so proud of it!!! HAHA) but its all in the name of fun, never out of hand. Just cheeky / naughty.) ;)

Lastly, I played so so sOOOOOOOOOOo many rounds of mahjong and I upstaged Darren. YEAH!!! Beat that :PPPPPP..... I became so competitive to the point where he said: "I rather anyone else on the table won but you.." but the funny thing was, he was smiling and grinning while saying that, when I decided to put on a poker face and not talk or laugh thru the rest of the game, he commented that the situation was tense. So hard to please horr!!!! Irritating!!! But mahjong is so fun, esp since we do not gamble and play for the sake of having fun. It is almost addictive, esp for Daniel now. It is a game where you learn to read faces, expression, body language and get to TCSS big time (TCSS = talk cock sing song).

Love the whole week!!!!!!!!

The Would be Move

2011-02-15T07:41:00.000-08:00

ok so maybe my friend is right

I could be PMS-ing today

when I heard that I got to move "house"

from one room to the other

I was at first shocked

then upset, then fed up

then filled with impulsive anger

then I had to offload....

I mean there are 3 main reasons

and one other smaller reason

for my being unhappy

1) the HUGE, LIKE BiG and IRRITATING inconvenience of packing and moving

I mean, my home is quite clean, live-able BUT

if I can don't do housework, I would... but alas I can't

BUT that is not the point,

the point is, I need to pack

and place my things in a smaller place

since it will be a shared room - RAWR!!

2) I am sitting near Corporate

which means I am near someone I don't enjoy ALOT

like A LOT, a LOT.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LOOOOOTTT

did I ever mention really like a HUGE A LOT!!???!!!

*cries for a bit*

3) I feel letdown, that I now got to share the room

I am so used to having my own little space,

doing my own things,

not having to "socialise" as I don't have a roomie

and God knows if the new roomie will be nice

or not, got to pray for a good fella who got chemistry

or at least is normal, or else DIE....

given my (loud / colourful / bubbly / sometimes crazy) fun personality

I cannot take it if a person is ABnormal....

Lastly, I am shameful to admit,

that a small part of me feels

like I am being ousted out of the "privileged" league

a bit of pride was admittedly in the way

(yah, men are not the only ones with pride lor)

But talking and grumbling to Daniel has certainly

sorted me out, that fella seems so much more worldly

and wiser though he is technically younger

sometimes, I am so grateful I picked him to marry

he seems nicer than a lot of the older bfs I had....

Anyways... so I got to bring that "game face" to work

suck it up, change room and into what i Deem as

a really COLD STORAGE... as it is like some little corner

like in the olden times, the least favourite concubine gets thrown

into the cold faraway room, yeah, that's me now

(indulge me in my wild imagination lar... )

all secluded, till some random roomie comes along

BUT THE GOOD THING OUT OF THIS IS

I get to be closer to the 3 amigos in my office

the people whom I am closest to.... Yay

SIGH.... but they are super busy of late lor.

To the point of anti-social

I always reserve my 5pm or lunches for them

but, ends up, kanna A380.... oh well.

Love Day

2011-02-14T18:24:00.000-08:00

14 Feb was LOVE DAY

St. Valentine's Day is meant to

allow you to display signs of affection

to people you care for

and a really good commercial reason

for shops to supply you boundless ideas

on what to get for that special someone

A day where secret admirers need not be so secret

and a day where love is proudly meant to be worn

on the sleeves of those in love

Daniel once again, did the unexpected

he decided to cook for me

and went grocery shopping to get the ingredients

to do things traditionally - cook
and of all things, my favourite cuisine

besides Chinese Fanfare...

Italian.

He went all out italian

with the way he did the prawns,

butterfly twists, deveined, properly seared

to ensuring the pasta was cooked to the right level

of bite, peppered with Italian herbs

covered with Olives and dripping with sour-ish Tomato sauce

oozing with L.O.V.E..... the Chef Daniel's way!!!

I just wished there was Tiramisu to round up

it would complete the whole experience

and made it "Perfecto!"

Nevertheless, he got an 'A+' for effort

as he was so tired yesterday

yet he managed to whip up something so good

Got to Love him more.

What a Weird Day

2011-02-09T00:24:00.000-08:00

I really cannot fathom the human mind

on what it can conceive and what it refuses to intake

on how selective listening, learning and refusal to

give others a benefit of doubt can occur

and that simply too.

I started out today feeling really GREAT

as I had a hair cut and I feel lighter

I strolled into office all nice and early

my receptionist said I looked radiant

God knows why I am radiant

but I think I look normal....

I had a disagreement on MSN with a friend

then another friend Whatsapp me on how fake

her media lunch is going...

and another long time no see friend asked me to guess

who is resigning from my previous workplace

Its just like another day at work

except for the fact that

I feel that there seems to be some weird tension

in the air, like the whole place,

this whole work environment

is so friggin' cold and tense

Not an ounce of love abounds

I mean my friends here are all

still nice, warm and rosy

things are all good between us

but... there is something in the air

something seriously lacking

and I cannot put my finger on it

Just some missing element.

On a different note.

I need to pray more.

Focus more.

And usually when that happens

testing comes, challenges are a plenty

and I may start crying...

but crying is good anyways.

It is therapy for the soul.

Especially for a girl.

Just like how chocolate helps

when I get all uptight and wanna cry / slap someone

I just hope that not too many tests take place

I am afraid I may fail.

I need mercy. Grace. Faith.

Just a simply weird day.

But the silver lining on this cloud

is I am going home soon

and I will get to see Daniel

and somehow, he makes everything alright

more bearable. Comfortable. Better.

And he gives me optimism to face tomorrow's

hopefully not so weird day?

Teach me How to Pray Again

2011-02-06T22:37:00.001-08:00

Gong Xi Fa Cai Everyone!

Other than the relishing of the food
and enjoying good company
and the "joys" of spring cleaning!!
I had a good CNY

It is my prayer for myself...
to be more feverent for the Lord
and to pray more.

Teach me how to pray again Lord

to be more disciplined in ALL

that I do and say.

Happy Birthday dearie!

2011-01-31T22:26:00.000-08:00

Today is the 9th time I am

celebrating the hub's birthday

and the 2nd time as his wife

the feeling is as sweet as a bar of Mars.

Have an awesome day hon! You deserve it.

Cannot wait to see ya later, as always.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY & GOD BLESS!

A SuperMix, SuperCharged Monday

2011-01-31T00:25:00.000-08:00

Today is a very unusual Monday
for a start, there was a heavy downpour this morning
and my hubs overslept by an hour
he was super late for work,
never thought that day would come
granted how discipline he is.

Then I got a call from my male bff..
met for lunch and had one of the best lunches
no holds, no barriers and we just talked
the way I love this friendship.

I went to view a cool condo after that
the place was rocking... I wish I could afford that pad
it was a tad small but so so cool....
the view is quite spectacular
but I am sure not as good as
Sentosa Cove's or Keppel Bay's.

And something hit me hard
I need to figging lose weight
I will need to punish myself
in every sense....
or else, how do I look good in
my upcoming birthday photos.

And the best part.........
I wanna buy more dresses...
I feel more womanly in them.
Last Friday was a great revelation for me!!!
I love DVF, Laundry, Max Mara and many other labels.
Woohoooo!!!!

Best Compliment Ever

2011-01-27T18:09:00.000-08:00

You know that you are on the right path

doing something really right

when you got really close friends

from work, church and elsewhere surrounding you

and then, some new friend comes along

and mingles with you and your better half

and ends the night SMS-ing you this:

"If I ever get married, I want a marriage like yours..."

That has got to be the best compliment

Daniel and I could ever receive

it not only reinforces what we are doing is right

and how we act is somehow setting an example

but it also reflects how genuine we are

in front of even new friends.

I think if you are real and true

and you keep working at things

friendships and kinship

and of cause the marriage,

people can tell.

There is a special "mojo"

between us, that blends very well together

like the yin with the yang

the North and the South comes together.

I want to continue this

I love receiving such compliments

and we will keep doing what we are doing

love the process and keep being grateful people.

Thank you Lord, for bringing us together

it is a near impossible feat

as we are so different

and yet, when we come together...

there is synergy and strength

through the little squabbles and differences

comes a quiet understanding and amazing chemistry

I Love You.

Heartache

2011-01-25T00:02:00.000-08:00

I got a confession to make
I miss the days in travel
when I can get up and represent an entire firm
in what I said and did
to be a mover and shaker in the trade
to give the veterans a run for the big buck

I MISS THOSE DAYS A LOT today.......
I miss how I could and love to think on my feet
I love the challenges that came with crisis
I love how I could grumble how tired (yet fulfilled)
I am after a long and tiring NATAS or own Fair

I miss the fun of playing dress up for TV
and Radio and for the Newspapers!!!
I miss the glam part of PR...
I also miss preparing weeks ahead before going on TV
HAHAHAHAH..... I sound so so..... jialat hor?

Just one of those days,
When I long for freedom and love of control.

Candy, Food and Appetite

2011-01-24T18:28:00.000-08:00

I have this huge incredible need

for candy....

every day seeing that my candy is there

being able to "have it" satisfies my insatible

appetite for it, candy is super helpful

super sweet, and akin to a long lasting relationship

I love to enjoy, always.

On a side note, I have been asked to re-start a food blog

by quite a number of our potential clients

been meeting them to catch up

and they do think highly of me

asking me to go along for food reviews in future

and to suss out the better food places.

Looks like I need to exercise even more

should I decide to embark on the foods that make a

REAL difference.

Anyway, my 12K Run is coming up

I need to train now. To clock 1.5hours as target.

As for writing a relationship book....

I think I can temporarily kiss it goodbye

as the hubs is not keen on writing his portion

he said I need to write a fantasy book

like how JK Rowling does and make gazillions out of it

I WAS DUMFOUNDED.... He does think highly of me hor!!!

Wah lau eh.... If I ever achieve that sort of success....

I will write... for life. Its the easiest thing to ask of me

The "I AM LOVING IT" Weekend

2011-01-23T18:47:00.000-08:00

From Left: Weston, Andy, me and the Hubs

Friday evening was a ball....

We went to Master Crab for 3 different styles of crabs

Black Pepper, Chilli and Salted Egg.

Guess which one is my fave???

Thereafter, the whole gang went off

to Daniel & my FAVE Starbucks outlet

a nice and secluded outlet

where you will not really bump into people you know

yet is a trendy joint

with the BEST green tea frapp in the world!!!!

The music was soothing...

the company was awesome!!

And the jokes, stories and more nonsense that was shared

was ROCKING!!!!

We even managed to transform

into an unofficial match-making agency

for someone in our midst

it was so funny... I laughed so hard

I forgot how old I am getting this year

AND IT IS GOOD...

anyways, I am a hysterical "laugher"

if there was ever such a word

HA!

I laugh without holds and boundaries

I let you know exactly how I am feeling

I am bad at playing the "poker face" game

I am looking forward to the next gathering

it really doesn't get any better than this.

Oh, Saturday was fantastic too

we (Darren, Daniel and me) got to know a new friend

we headed to Timbre to chill.

It was breezy and balmy

the food was simple and sinful

the boys had to tease me

I don't know why either

but yeah....

I sort of became the butt of their jokes

New person also joined the boys to poke fun at me

Irritating!!! But at times like this, welcomed

cos it was rather tastefully done.

Muahahahaha...

This weekend...

was really fantastic

uncomplicated, endearingly fun and fabulous for

a person such as me, who loves to socialise

and host events.. before the CNY madness kicks in

cos the next weekend

is just for spring cleaning

WHICH IS NOT SOMETHING I LIKE

but I will make sure it will be worth my while

Bern.... please start cleaning out your place too

esp. if you are reading this. Haha!!

Start moving!!!!

(Not sure why I associate this with you.)

Hmmm....

The Feasting Day

2011-01-20T22:48:00.000-08:00

I got to say.... and admit

it feels great to have lunch buddies

and good friends within a workplace

makes you feel belonged

accepted and all those positive feelings

that come along with it

translates and indirectly benefits the firm

in big and small ways

But the BEST part

is when you get to keep this relationship

for life.....

anyways, today is feasting day

the best compliment

(Thou Ber says reporter was trying to suck up to me)

I got from a long time no see reporter

was I LOST WEIGHT....

Well, I don't care if she was telling the total truth or not

fact of the matter is, I have been exercising

and I am trying to watch my weight

by cutting down carbs and whatever junk

BUT I go weak in the knees when I see CHOCOLATE

I feel almost like Cookie Monster in Sesame Street

Like.... CoooooKkkkkiiieeeee...

I am more like a Chocoooooollllaaaaatttteeeeee....

Hahahahha.

And I am heading for CRABS with my friends tonight

SINFUL... tsk tsk

I intend to run tomorrow, so not so bad

The reporter and I really are at a point

of being really friendly friends

that are real... at least I need not pull out

the "PR mask"

there are some reporters whom I dine with

and they are so fake,

you got not much choice... but to string along

But I love it when I can be me.

Cos..... it would be the best of me

at work, at play and at everything lar!!!!!

Yay~ness to the weekends!!!

Hip hip HOOOOORRRAAAAYYYYY

The Thin Line

2011-01-18T17:51:00.000-08:00

I realized that between a boss and their subordinate
there must be a line drawn
whether I like it or not
whether I buy into the notion or not
this scenerio has proven to me
that the proximity of being that friendly
and close to someone you work with
on a close basis, can rear its ugly head
and usually the Boss gets taken advantage of
from the way I am seeing it

BUT THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS
rare but they exist.

Which brings me to the thought,
if one day, I end up working with my good
or close friends in a Boss-Secretary relationship
will the friendship be strained / tested???
I really wonder.
I know I am the slap you on the back
joke around and not take life so seriously person
but would that trait be taken advantage of
and be deemed to some as a sign of weakness?

Well, if they think I am a pushover
they think wrong, I can take A LOT of crap
but when I push back
I don't like myself during those moments too
but sometimes (happened twice) I have to
cos sometimes, the compulsion to fight back
is so strong, it takes a lot of self-control
to keep everything contained
before it really explodes.

There is always an image to project to the world
something I always do not enjoy doing
I always tell the hubs, I really wanna be real
rather than socialise with people whom are fake
and are not really interested to be decent, friendly and humble
in short, be real, like rear your ugly head if you really are that way
do not prolong the guessing game
nor be put on, what for?
You aren't getting an Oscar this year or anytime soon.

Cheerios.

Removing Blackheads

2011-01-16T23:34:00.000-08:00

Was in town yesterday
Went to Isetan and was transported to Japan
They had the Hokkaido Fair there
DID I EVER MENTION THAT I LOVE
UTTERLY LOVE JAPANESE FOOD
and Stuff (aka clothes, skincare and makeup etc)
from Japan?????!!!????!!!!

Well..... now to contain myself,
the hubs and I went shopping
and I made a 100% Jap Meal for dinner
everything from Japan somehow seems so much fresher
YUMMY!!!!

And I also got a blackhead extractor
I tried it last night
and it was so painful
my nose was red and painful
but it was controlled as I was not forceful
and I use toner to ease the pain

I am gonna extract out two more stubborn
blackheads later....

I love how clean and smooth my skin is today
and how makeup glides on
its like giving myself a good facial
WHAT A TREAT!!!!!

Dinner with Friend

2011-01-13T18:42:00.000-08:00

You know how it is...
when you are close enough
with someone you can trust completely
you can share secrets with
esp. the sordid ones. Haha!
(pun intended)

Its exactly friends like these
that make having relationships
friendships so much better
and make the world seem brighter
and that one can hope
and count on
what I deem as loyal love.

These relationships are the kind
that will blossom into something really wonderful
that you know, their word is really as good as gold.
If only the world is filled more with such persons
it really would be a much better place.

All the World's A Stage - A reflection

2011-01-13T01:20:00.000-08:00

In the very famous play by William Shakespere
the lines read.. "All the World's a Stage and
All the Men and Women, merely players."
How apt.

We are here to play out and fulfill a role
to the best of our abilities
and that includes doing things sometimes
for people who we don't like and
those we call family
cause at times, you will feel being taken advantage of
but I think, harmony and peace in any relationship
is to be valued. Is prized.
Though sometimes, not attainable.

But hey, we can keep trying.
But the irony is, in the process
your heart gets broken at times
as people forget
the art of speaking in love
bearing in love
and being more accomodating.
Even myself, am guilty of that.

But, I am glad, I got different moulds of friends
different, some vastly different.
But all very good, at balancing me out.
Even my little squabbles or full blown arguements
serve to help me know a person better
who is to tell, immediately that
what kind of person are you dealing with
in a instant, sometimes, first impressions
can be wrong.
For instance, my little undercurrent
with my bestie... I am certain
it won't last forever, maybe a while
but it will work out for the best.
Its just a period.

Even for long time friends,
things like that happen.
What more to couples or with parents
or siblings.... or whatever else relationship there is.

Anyways, I appreciate all I have.
In some strange way.
The chili padis.
The cool cats.
The bo-chaps.
All the World's a Stage
we are merely players....
making up the nuances of life!!

Working with Rookies

2011-01-11T19:14:00.000-08:00

Truly, this would be the best point
to say I need to practise self-control
and bear in love a lot.
I think, no matter what, when you are
a rookie, it doesn't matter your trade
a rookie needs to eat humble pie. ALWAYS
Cos a rookie, does not know a lot of things
and even interaction with persons
prove to be an issue.

Most of us have to go down that trodden path
unless you are born with a sliver spoon in the mouth
and your dad immediately makes you CEO
you got to learn things, sometimes, the hard way
but you just got to learn.

So yes, I am praying for patience and tenacity
to see thru this rookie-filled event
and hopefully, my blood will be intact by then
and not sucked dry.

Cheerios.

Paramount Hotel This Friday

2011-01-07T08:42:00.000-08:00

Today proved to be a very interesting Friday
Most Fridays would find me and my hubs out on date night
where we will bother to set aside Friday, out of the entire week
esp if he is not travelling and I do not have other work appts
to head to Starbucks for our fave drink
the green tea frapp!

Seriously, they have the best green tea frapp out there
and we have been having that for almost 3 years already
and the taste is consistent, that's what I call quality

Anyway, today I was asked to accompany ES to a function
so it is work related.... but still fun.
The cab ride there was SO TERRIBLE
the driver drove and jerked throughout
and he looks the part of a season driver yet
his skills are questionable!!! We nearly puked after disembarking
It was truly that bad.

Then came to the making it there on time,
ES was chasing me to turn off PC and go
it is bad to be late for function etc etc
she sounded like the stepsister out of Cinderella story
and I, sort of played Cinderella. Haha!

But truly, in the back of my head,
I knew that DINNERS start late, almost always.

We were so hungry when we reached there
but decided to walk off the nausea feeling
by looking for the ladies
Paramount Hotel's lobby had no toilet so we
had to go to the adjourning shopping complex
a very dodgy one at that.
There were countless Filippino girls in the ladies
clad in pieces that leave nothing to the imagination
and in overpowering whifts of what I will not call perfume,
but rather, cologne, those strong types, when you have to mask
a really really bad body odour.

ES and I were just so glad we had each other for company
at that moment.... haha, we were the nerdy decent folks there and then
then we quickly went looking for the entrance to Paramount Restaurant
which surprisely was owned by Tung Lok group
the owner, which Aha! was the Vice-Chair and Host of the FLA gathering
Andrew Tjoe who made a guest appearance and then joined us for dinner

The food.... I know I should have taken pictures
I promise to be more hard-working next time
the Food, was overall, a 7.5 out of 10
Tung Lok maintains standard and it helped that
Andrew Tjoe himself was there.

I know the dinner was free and all but let me say my piece
HONESTLY......

First up was the Salmon Yu Sheng,
Salmon was SO FRESH... but the vegetables were course
they should have sliced / cut it finer.
I love how CNY gives me reason to indulge in the once in a year
and as I discovered today, a uniquely Singapore dish
(apparently, no one uses the new 2010 STB slogan - Singapore, Your Way)
cos the Uniquely Singapore campaign worked better!!! It sticks
the best slogan for a country is still Malaysia's...
MALAYSIA - TRULY ASIA.... a real winner.

Anyways, back to the food.
Shark's Fin was next, it was tasty like mad
I LOVED IT!!! I wish I could have an extra helping though
Then came the the exquisite prawns cooked
with this mildly curried sweet sauce,
a unique concoction and a heady mix,
gingerly nested on fried egg flour mix.

Then came the pork belly dish
I was not a fan of fat meats
and am fussy about my meats
I rejected upon viewing presentation
so no comment except
the sauce looks like normal black pepper

I loved the steam fish and their signature tofu dish
the sauce of the steam fish is made from quality light sauce
and steamed to perfection, where the flesh is not too taut
and it slips right off the bone
whereas the tofu dish, pales a little in comparison to the fish
had Japanese Mushrooms of all kinds
mixed into the Oyster & Abalone Sauce broth
and with a tinge of spinach lining the top
but this dish has its copycats
I tasted a better version at POR KEE Restaurant
and I am certain, POR KEE's charges are cheaper too
(WHO SAYS GOOD FOOD MUST BE EXPENSIVE??)

Lastly, came the Fried Rice with Fresh Scallops
where each grain was glazed with just the right amount of oil
and you can taste the "Wok Hei" and I am a fan of scallops
so, its a good end to a very filling dinner.

The dessert was a great surprise,
it was a high-end version
of what we would find in hawker centres
the "ice jelly" - those transparent yellow-ish jelly
usually served with fruit cocktail
but Tung Lok served with Lime Sorbet
a very good match but bad for those clowns (like me)
who will brain-freeze when placing too cold food
into mouth... hahaha!

I had a great Friday and my hubs
went out with the boys - his army friends for a change
and now, being home is one of the best feeling in the world.
I met some really nice people today too!
Some I hope to see soon and catch up with.
They seem sincere and friendly. :)

Good night World! Peace.

Happy New Year

2011-01-02T19:54:00.000-08:00

I spent a greater part of the New Year
ushering a bad case of the Runs
making the toilet my best friend
and then a short lost of voice....

I loaded on the fluid intake
and then lots of rest later
got so much better this morning

I am feeling great after the long weekends.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

With Love.

Christmas LowDown

2010-12-26T18:07:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve - woke up at 10am and then watched telly before heading to market to buy nuggets to standby for Xmas Day games. Went to a 24hour Supermart on the Eve of Xmas Eve to shop for groceries like fruits and sotong balls etc. Slept only at 3am. Called Bernice to chat over stuff.

Felt bad for her as her hubs to be had to be on standby that day due to a dumb corporate lawyer from another firm. Did some toning and stretching at home with the Exercise Band. Did 5 sets of Shuttle Runs at my Void Deck before the eating frenzy began.

Went to Friend's place by 6.30pm. SO many people I don't know, had a panic attack inside (but NO ONE knew.... haha! Yes I am in PR but so what, cannot have panic attack is it???) Led in Christmas Caroling and had tons of fun... thank Goodness had my "back-up" singers comprising of Darren, Daniel and Weston. The singing turned out to be a weird medley of stoppages cos of a certain "back-up" singer too. LOL.....
Left Weston's place only at 1.25am. Think I ate too much meatballs, cookies and pasta. Slept at 2.30am.

Christmas Day - Woke up at 11.30am, started preparing for arrival of friends by ordering pizza(s), cooked nuggets, popcorn chicken and sotong balls. First friend arrived at 1.30pm, the rest in staggered timings. So simple and fun. Cards, Tiles and PS3 were the order of the day. Played the entire day away... thunderstorm occured from 7pm onwards and friends left only at 12:30am.... cleared the mess and everything, showered, crawled into bed by 2am. The funny thing is, we had 8 persons at our place and suddenly our place seems big enough to accomodate all.

Boxing Day - Woke up at 8.45am and prepared to go to Church for service. Walked around the house aimless for a good half an hour as I was sleep deprived. Felt like a zombie. Felt like uploading Bali photos onto Facebook but the "Lazy Bug" won this battle... decided to freshen up and then put on some 'war paint on face' before deciding what to wear that day as I had a movie and dinner to catch. Movie "Little Fockers" was brilliant!!! And the food and company was smashing!

Came back and exercised by stretching and doing sets of biceps, triceps and situps! Dam tired. Nearly slept while exercising, it was a weird feeling.

27 Dec 2010 - Woke up at 8am (DAMMIT!!! LATE FOR WORK.... argh... argued with sleeping bug, why can't today be Sunday???) Having a heavy head at work... hope no one asks me to do anything urgent as I got presentation slides to prepare. *YAWNS*

Thinking of Us

2010-12-21T18:11:00.000-08:00

I am just happily in my world
with Daniel and enjoying his company
and how I can be at ease with him
and as I discussed and exchange pointers
with a fellow colleague on how awesome
our guys are to us.... I cannot help but feel blessed

I mean, I admit... sometimes,
I take Daniel for granted
his being there,
his wanting to always be in the same place
same room, same everywhere with me
with the exception of when we are in the loo
has grown on me. I feel great, short of flying on wings
I feel elevated whenever we are together
I am myself and happy to be myself when I am with him
he brings out the best in me,
giving me courage, strength and belief sometimes.

I get all kiddish, speaking or rather squealing
in a small kid's before puberty voice
calling him mushy names....
smelling him, telling him he means a lot to me
assuring him... I could just go on and on
but, we took a while to get use to this
to us, to being simple, accepting and
sort of fall into a routine we both love.

There really is nothing quite unpredictable about us
except maybe when we are on vacation,
all the near-death stunts we seem to head for...
maybe we are closet adrelin junkies

I have been speaking to a couple of close friends
people I have known over the years and now
for years already... some are married, others not
but the thing with love is
it really is a two-way street
there is no other way about it
I know of a couple...
sadly, they are facing so much issues
cos the guy is seemingly not responsible
always putting his friends first
neglecting the girl, saying things to her
without thinking of her feelings
or is that the best possible way of putting it across
I mean, his messages maybe truthful but they sting
and relationships, are not meant to hurt
are not meant to cause pain
are not meant for one party to be a doormat
and are certainly not meant for one side to keep crying
regularly throughout the course of the relationship

It pains me to see her lamenting so often
but she is stuck in it
she cannot seem to turn her back anymore
and its sad... cos he does not seem to see sense
on why his idiotic actions seem to keep hurting
all the people around him,
esp his girl, his parents and his health.
I cannot imagine the change in this guy
its a 180deg change for the worse
always putting himself out there for temptation
to maybe one day rob him of all the good things
and to also perhaps, drift so far away from God.

I mean, besides praying, nagging and scolding...
what else can be done??
We cannot be policemen and jail him can we?
He just needs to "wake up" from his slumber.
And all his idiotic and senseless excuses.

So.... really, relationships are not meant to be
taken lightly, its meant to be appreciated.
Between friends, between lovers,
between family, between siblings,
between you and God.

I am so going to head back and kiss my Daniel.

My Thoughts on Our Bali Trip

2010-12-20T19:25:00.000-08:00

I promise pictures soon!
The trip was slightly marred by
insect bites and perhaps bedbugs too
but other than the noisy hotel room
and bugs......
IT WAS THE BEST TRIP I HAVE EVER EVER TAKEN!!!!

DANIEL DID things that made lots of guys
bite the dust!!!!
He romanced me which I never thought in
a thousand years,
he was capable of something like that!!!

We had lots of seasports fun
tubbing, fly fish, snorkel (he did only)
visit turtles and animals,
ate a lot... I fell in love with Bakso
A lil' local meal consisting mainly
of meatballs made to taste smooth
with wanton, tofu and cabbage
in a great tasting soup...
one bowl for a mere 5000rupiah (80cents)
and I learnt to steer a boat

I was taken to a yatch
where he booked just for two of us
for an evening of fine dining
where a 3-man band played and sang for us only
where the waiters waited exclusively on us only
where we slow-danced to a specially requested song
and after being so intoxicated and feeling
like i am a leading lady in some hollywood flick
fireworks were set off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I nearly died in ecstacy.
I just smiled a quiet smile
all through the night
where my man
became totally like a supernova.

It felt like I was being proposed to again
and we had a pirvate wedding.
I had such a good time...
wind flying in my hair... ...
seabreeze.. good food, greater company.

i love my first year of marriage,
very much so.

Conversations

2010-12-13T17:51:00.000-08:00

==================================================================
WHAT TOOK PLACE THIS MORNING....
Ruth: dear... i am not bringing any makeup on this trip to Bali so i can pack lesser (THIS WAS MEANT TO BE A STATEMENT mind you.) And we need to come back early to pack tonight.

Dan: huh? why not? bring makeup lar... put some makeup on.

Ruth: *looks puzzled then followed by the evil eye* ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY I LOOK TERRIBLE WITHOUT MAKEUP!!!!????!!!!

Dan: Nooooo..... *has a panic look on his face at this point* No okay, I don't mean that, I thought you always say makeup enhances your features plus we can take some nice pictures with you all dolled up! *looks hopeful at this point*

Ruth: *looks less fed up* But you see me at home day and night without makeup, that bad meh? *looks dejected now*

Dan: *Hugs Ruth* No lar.... *then walks out of bedroom door*
==================================================================